I'm going to jail i love you
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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