I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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