I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Never underestimate the power of titties
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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