The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
