dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
