I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
