Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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