I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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