I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
