I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
