He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize