well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
