i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
