My sheets look like a crime scene.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
