No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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