In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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