i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
