where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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