I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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