You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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