What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
