I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize