dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
