We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
