Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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