do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
