Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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