i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
