i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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