i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
It all started with a game of naked twister.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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