just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
