craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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