I want you more than these girls want KFC
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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