Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize