Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
