Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize