Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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