me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
