there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
