Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
