you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
