Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
