What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
