So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
this will be a night to untag.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize