the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
