So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
