I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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