Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
