Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
