There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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