Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
This toilet bowl is my home.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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