Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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