There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
