so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
