as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
