i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
