I wish I only lived at night.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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