Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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