the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
