i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
