you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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