Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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