at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize