I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
