As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize