Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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